Have you ever prayed for something with all your heart, mind and strength and waited anxiously and patiently for God to show you the sings? Well, I HAVE! You know, we always hear it been said, God will answer your prayers and it might not be directly but sometimes indirectly through others. I BELIEVE.
The Good Lord has been so good to me. I thank you Lord! I cried today because I was overwhelmed with joy. I thank you Lord. I dodged a bullet, I tell you, I—DODGED—a– BULLET my friends. I have always been the one to fall for the bad boys all the time. I will have so many men good and bad interested in me but guess what; the weakness in me would always lead me to fall for the wrong man.
This time however, my good GOD said nope, not her, not today, not ever. When the temptation was strong and at a point I even felt intrigued to dive in deeper for both physical and some mental attraction, I was able to say NO to my weaknesses. I was able to stand tall and not give into my short term desires. It’s tough when you have always been a judge of character and could detect what’s not good for you and walk away but then through changes in your life, you found yourself to have lowered your standards and chose the mediocre. Well, while going through the phase, it got rough, you knew you were not who you were living but the chains of weakness wouldn’t let you let go of what was holding you captive. Then, you finally got the strength and through God you came out and got lifted up. My good Lord, I will forever praise you.
I knew, the journey am about to go through of self-healing had just began and it wasn’t gonna be easy. I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to do it by myself unless I wanted to fall back in the hole again. Being a strong believer of prayers, I completely submerged myself and said God see me, heal me, walk with me lord because my mind and my soul is troubled and I can’t do it by myself.
We are all addicts, just in different forms….love addicts, drug addicts, food addicts, sugar addicts etc
I started seeing a therapist short after who right away told me, “you are a very nice person, a giver and a nurturer but you lack boundaries. That’s what you need to build back up right away. You’re hurt and you are at your lowest right now but you can get out of this muddy phase, because of the way you talk about the hurt and who you are, you seem to be a very strong person who can do this.” I already believed in myself so; I looked at my therapist as my validator at this particular point. That was the last day I went back to her and ever since, I relied on prayer and inward change.
I focused on starting to Love myself again and finding joy within myself. I would admit, at the early stages and even to this day, sometimes I feel down but I quickly get up and remind myself of how God loves me and that he hears my prayers and he talks with me. I smile every time I think of this because I have that kind of personal relationship with my Father in Heaven. Through this healing phase, I have met a lot of new people, men and women. Some, I have become close friends with, some have been passerby’s and some have become just connections. I have rekindled old friendships and even went as far as rekindling love affairs etc.
One thing I would attest to however, is how good my God has been to me through this journey. I met a person whom I’d say, he was lovely. Charismatic, intelligent, had issues just life we all do but a little different. Right off the bat during our conversations, I saw the red flags and smelt some narc behaviors. But like I said previously, I tend to attract the bad boys because I always see the good in them even though I already know how they can manipulate a person. And that’s what my problem is. I don’t walk away when I see the signs instead I get intrigued and go with the flow of things. This time however, my good Lord’s angels said nope Cynthia no. You’ve been praying for the Good Lord to bless you with such and such kind of a man, so, why are you still over allowing the bad entertainment? You understand this is not the type of person you have been asking God for and you vividly see the Red flags already but you want to purposely ignore them?
What I am trying to say is the significance of LISTENING TO YOUR HEART. That thing called INTUITION is real. Listen when your SOUL is talking to you. I have learned to not give anybody the benefit of doubt, don’t matter who it is or what they are saying. My job is to just LISTEN because through listening and observing, you learn a lot about a person. Through listening, the person would not only tell you about the type of person they are but also they will attempt to tell you what type of person you are. My belief in Prayer has surpassed the norm, prayer is my run to for a peace of mind. I have and will always believe in God. I have to make a conscious EFFORT every single day and every single minute to LISTEN to my INTUITION because I swear that’s our personal compass.
I am hoping you too will get the answers you have been praying and waiting for patiently. GOD LISTENS!!